“Yep, wow. This is a big one. I didn’t know that this was so heavy until I was in it.
Month 1: intimacy
“God told me, ‘You don’t find intimacy with me, you find intimacy with men.’”
Month 3: eliminating friends or distractions
“Someone in my team told me, ‘you need to have an audience of one.’ And, they had no idea I struggled with relationships and how fast I give myself—emotionally–away to people.”
Month 4: seeing men through the eyes of Jesus
“Someone had a vision of me and Jesus with a man standing in-between us. They said, ‘you need to see men through the eyes of Jesus.’ And I realized that there was brokenness and a need of healing in that area, still.”
Month 5: sexual withdrawal and wanting connection
“I had stopped being physically intimate like two years before I left for the race. When I was in Thailand, I had withdrawals from this type of intimacy that I let go of. It was a dark place.
And, where we were was heavily influence by the sex trade. So, I wanted desperately to reach out to the people of my past to establish some sort of connection. But, I didn’t.
Then–God is awesome–someone gave me a word and said, ‘there is a difference between isolation and solitude.’”
Month 8: wanting and craving to be married
“This was the first time that I said, ‘why is this taking so long?’ I wanted to be married. Well, I heard of and then met someone, but I didn’t tell anyone how I felt.
Then, someone on my team suggested I should pray for him. When I did, I found myself replacing my craving and need for intimacy with him or men and replacing it instead with intimacy with the Lord.”
As I read through Averi’s account of God’s provision, I am struck by her apparent faith. She had faith in the call upon her life to go, in the people speaking into her brokenness, and in God’s powerful love to remold the eyes of her heart and how they see men.
I want to see God, my faith in Him, and my broken pieces intimately knit together that I cannot distinguish one strand from the next.
I don’t want to doubt His provision; instead, I want to anticipate His provision, in faith. Averi has shown me the extraordinary gifts He gives… so will you lean into this with me?
What changed the most: your head/mind or your heart?
“They both have changed so much, but my mind. I transport back to times that are in conflict with American culture. I struggle to articulate what is in my head, and what I have seen.”
We have traveled together in the past. How is coming “home” affecting you?
“I feel—sorry if I cry—broken for the people I see in my mind and cannot be with. I’m broken for living conditions in other countries, for the work they have to do…It’s really heart-breaking.”
What has God written and rewritten onto the tablet of your heart?
“Endless pursuit. God wants my attention. He wants me to lean into Him, especially right now…even when it is hard, even when there is no routine.”